The audience are asked to decide
after a brief presentation
summarising my crimes
and contributions
thus far in life. In the 'plus' column:
the time I made a really competent coffee cake
and ate none of it myself
the time I admitted I didn't know where
The Granary was when the man
stopped to ask me directions
the time I put a two pound coin
in the collection tin for the Lifeboat Appeal
On the 'minus' side:
the hundreds I slew with my legion
of bipedal scimitar-bots
the child I blinded for asking 'why'
too many times
(I later repaired his vision
but the trauma was irreversible)
the bus conductor I shot into the sun
'Vote with your keypads now,' says the charming presenter,
and I flash what I hope
is a winning grin.
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